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04 Temmuz 2022, 18:40
Hot in the City*As spring turns into summer, my life starts to fall into a predictable routine of sorts - I see Ethan, we fuck like animals, I?m shocked and repentant (though it must be said, I?m less and less repentant as time passes). I have a period of ?sobriety? where I?m able to live my normal life (though in truth, I?ve also started to notice that this sobriety seems to be shorter with each passing escapade). This sobriety inevitably gives way to thirst. Desire. The darkest I?ve ever known. It consumes me, wracks me. Leaves me unable to think of anything else, until at last, a text. From him or from me. A plan, a time, and then finally, relief. The sweetest relief imaginable, before circling right back to shock and repentance.Rinse. Repeat. Though I?m physically charged almost every waking minute, I?m mentally drained. So much so, that it took several visits to Ethan?s before it actually occurred to me that I was cheating on Jess. What Ethan and I do feels so different, so other that I actively didn?t realize that isvecbahis (https://isvecbahisguncel.com/) I?m being unfaithful for an embarrassingly long time. When it hits me, I feel terrible. Jess is an amazing woman and I?m the one who pushed to be exclusive with her. She?s a wild girl at heart and I?ve tried to tame her, only to screw around behind her back. Guilt gnaws at me and I?m finding it harder and harder to know how to act around her. I go through phases where I dote on her and initiate constantly, trying to make up for what I?m doing to her, and then phases where I don?t.Should I be sleeping with her when I?m thinking of him? No, probably not, but if I don?t, won?t she feel like I?m not attracted to her anymore? Round and round I go.What with the Ethan-induced madness and the Jess-induced guilt, I am a mess. Juggling work and my very complicated private life is wearing me out, but at the same time, I have never felt more alive.In this vaguely unhinged spirit, I arrive at Ethan?s one evening. It?s been over a week since I?ve been here and isveçbahis giriş (https://isvecbahisguncel.com/) I?m rampant. Absolutely outside myself. Something has occurred to me recently; I?ve noticed that when I?m with him, we fuck and we suck, but we don?t kiss. I seem to have taken great exception to this because within seconds of arriving at his place and the door bolting shut, I?ve shoved him against the wall and I?m leaning in close to his mouth. He moves his face to the side, just a little bit, almost imperceptibly, but it's more than enough to inflame me. I wrap my hand around his throat and turn his face toward me forcibly.?Tough Guy, huh?? I hiss, ?Happy to fuck me but too scared to kiss me?? My voice is tight and from the quick flash in his eye, I know I have his full attention.?Fuck off!? he says playfully, trying to lighten the mood, as he pushes me off.This little push, the struggle, ignites a primitive part of my brain. The part that likes to fight. I grab his wrists and push him hard against the wall pinning him back, hands isveçbahis yeni giriş (https://isvecbahisguncel.com/) at the sides of his head. Another flash in his eyes. Slow recognition this time. Understanding that every time he?s over-powered me, I?ve let him. ?I said, are you scared, Tough Guy??He moves his face away again, but maybe he?s as susceptible to my heat as I am to his, because it doesn?t take long before he?s looking at me. Those wild eyes. Eyes unlike anything I?ve ever seen. When he looks at me like this, I have a quiet certainty that every other pair of eyes I?ve ever looked into have been veiled in some way. But not his. When he looks at me, there?s nothing separating us.*Even though everything is unspoken, there are no veils between us. Silence fills the room, except for the sound of us breathing and the sound of my pulse racing through my veins.?Yeah,? he says finally, no more than a whisper, ?I?m afraid.?His honesty unmans me, clenches my guts and leaves me breathless. I want him. I tear my eyes from his, downward, to his mouth. He swallows hard. I want him so much. I see his lips part, his perfect white teeth, a hint of his tongue. My heart pounds as he leans in. I want this. Our lips melt together, hungry tongues find each other and dance together, rhythmic, tribal.